No Pizza?
by AagwaMiyusu
Summary: All he wanted was a pizza. Stupid divert system. But some habits must be destroyed, Patty said. Drabbles.
1. Lady

**Lady**

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><p>Dante stared around the office of sorts and sighed. Patty was busy doing her patty things and while she was busy, the girl had the uninvited courtesy to change Dante's favorite old age phone, into a cell phone. That also a pink Blueberry. <strong>Pink. <strong>

He just wanted to sleep, but his stomach was growling. So, he took out the cell, dialed the pizza people and waited for the call to connect.

Patty was silently smirking when he said hello.

"Ah, yes, I'd like the usual pizza please…"

There was a pause and Dante got impatient. He wanted pizza damnit!

"Usual? Sorry but I'm a new employee. How may I help you?"

Dante sighed, cursed the godforsaken fate and then took a deep breath.

"You know, gimme loads of mozzarella, hold the onions, put some pepperoni and cheese, obviously. And put on my tab."

"Sir, forgive me but all the current tabs have been nullified and this day forth, sir, you are required to pay on cash immediately after receiving your pizza."

"You a walking dictionary?"

"No sir, no I'm not."

"Am I getting my pizza anyways?"

"No sir, unless you sign a contract agreeing that you will pay in cash."

"I hate you."

"We all do, sir."

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><p>Well, then. there you go~ <strong>This is based actually on the anime version of DmC. So yeah.<br>**The summary must tell you why he's not getting any of the Pizzas...~ Mehehehehee

**Enjoy, yeah?**

**PS: Blackberry=Blueberry**


	2. Trish

**Trish**

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><p>Dante never received the pizza he had ordered.<p>

Exactly 5 minutes later, he received a strawberry parfait instead, all wrapped up in a Styrofoam cup, and covered with a plastic lid.

He forgave the pizza dude.

However, one strawberry parfait will not compensate for a pizza.

He dialed up again, his feet resting on the table and a magazine on his hand.

"Yeah, hello? New employee pizza girl?"

A pause or two later, gruff voice greeted him instead.

"Yes, what would you like, sir? The usual, sir?"

"Is it me or did the company replace the previous one for screwing around with me?"

"No sir, I just caught a cold. So sir, what this time, sir?"

Dante sighed, his hand covering the goddamn pinky phone.

Patty meanwhile, laughed like a maniac. Dante paid no heed

"Well, just the regular pizza. Get coke this time."

"But that ain't your usual, sir."

"Uh, yeah, whatever. Stop calling me sir, you make me sound old."

"But policies require us to address customers as sir or madam, sir. Would you rather prefer madam, sir?"

"What?"

"You know sir, section 35.b, Article 104, The Complete Guide to Food: 'Address and show utmost respect to customers, at all times.'"

"What the fluffing hell?"

"Sir, hell is not fluffy."

"Yep it's definitely you from the last chapter. Where have you been all my life, honey?"

"Right here reading the Guidebook, sir."

"Am I getting my pizza anyways?"

"Yes, of course, sir. Right after my cold's cured. I might infect you with the virus, sir."

Dante covered the phone, and let out a sigh loud as a tanker horn. Patty was still laughing.

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><p>Well, <strong>kudos and cookies for our first reviewer, <strong>ExtremeRainbowRaiderPrincess**. That's an awesome name by the way. **Just superb! :D *.*  
>Some explanation in need, since everything will be from Dante's point of view. Simply put, <strong>Lady told Trish about the prank, which Patty told Lady. <strong>

Girl networking system, check. :D


	3. Patty

**Patty**

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><p>Dante got his pizza as he wanted, but it was mini-sized. Mini, he daresay!<p>

Dante fumed as the mozzarella stretched from the bite he took. He really wanted a pizza.

So, he dialed another pizza company. There were many in town; they'd want him there ordering, of course!

Who could resist the sexy devil hunter?

He took out the pink atrocity and then unlocked it. His fingers paused on the keypad.

Dante didn't know any other pizza's number…

_Because I never had to face such DISGRACE!_

He was fuming silently again as he noticed an ad on his magazine.

Oh lucky stars, it happened to showcase pizza!

He dialed immediately the number, committed it to memory and then waited patiently with a smile while munching on the probably-enemy's pizza.

He didn't expect _HER_ to pick up.

"What the hell do you think you're doing in _my_ pizza line, Patty?"

"Dante! I'll talk to you later! I have…to get back to the customers!"

"What?"

"I'm earning money by working in the pizza parlor! Bye!"

And all Dante heard was the hang-up tone.

He started sobbing.

No stomach filling pizza today as well.

* * *

><p>And this is where the descend of Dante's sanity begins. <strong>You see, Dante's whole being runs on, well, Pizza. So, Pizza shortage will obviously equal to insanity.<br>**At least, that's what I've concluded from the anime. -.-

**PS: We really wanna play DmC. Damn, we don't got the necessary things and mind attention. -.-**


	4. Modeus

**Modeus**

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><p>Dante scratched his aching head. Somebody put liquor in the pizza! And he never got the smell of it!<p>

He wanted to bang his head on a wall.

No wait! That would make more pain.

He wanted to bang his head on a pizza. And maybe eat it.

Now that he thought about it, somebody _dough'd_ the alcohol together with the pizza!

The nerve of them!

Dante dialed redial and then patiently waited to let the steam off.

_Ringringringring-_

"Hello?"

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK I AM? VERGIL? THAT GODDAMN MILK-MAN? AN IDIOT? I'M THE FUCKING DEVIL-HUNTER AND I WILL HUNT YOUR ASS DOWN IF YOU PUT LIQUOR IN MY PIZZA AGAIN."

And with that, Dante shut the phone on the dude's face.

Modeus was found dead in his apartment the next hour.

He died of a heart attack.

Sparda was poking fun at Modeus, back in Demon-heaven or wherever they were.

* * *

><p><strong>Yeah, we know we're terribly late at updating this, but bear with us. 1st month of Academy and it's crazy enough already. <strong>On a brighter side, I get to sit and write something at least once a week. Hooray. -.-

Yes. It. Is. Modeus! Don't forget, this is based on the anime, since I've yet to read through the entire wiki of DmC. If he happens to be in the VG, please, lemme know~ xP

**PS: Enjoy. We wrote this down in 5 minutes. It's shorter than expected. But it's a chapter nonetheless. **


	5. Guest Star: Nero

**Nero**

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><p>Dante was reading the newspaper about some dude who was found dead in his apartment.<p>

He was sipping his coffee and having his strawberry sundae, pleasantly dreaming in his own world.

When he received the phone call.

He picked it up, snapping out of the reverie.

Dante pressed 'Answer' and then greeted the person.

"May I know who the shit called?"

"Who the fuck you talking to? Your milkman? I'm Nero and I called for Patty, so give the damn phone to her, Dante."

Dante started hyperventilating.

Needless to say, he was able to pass two days without pizza. Successfully.

With a few side effects here and there, of course.

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><p>I have no words to describe this dribble.<br>**So spare me the trouble, creator. -.-  
><strong>Shut it.  
>Any other people to do the pranking for meh? :D<p> 


	6. Guest Star: Vergil

**Vergil**

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><p>Dante was in the corner. The Corner. He kept his goddamn blueberry on the table. On the far away corner of the room.<p>

It rang. It kept on ringing.

Where the shit is Patty?

Dante sighed, finger-combed his hair, checked his breathe and the time and finally went to the phone which was still singing along the lines of the stupid Hamster Dance song.

Who the hell changed his ringtone?

He sighed again, loud and long, prepared his guns for anything and finally picked up the phone.

"Hello? Tell me it's not the milkman, please." Dante whined as he heard distant buzz on the other side of the phone.

The person in it sighed as well and Dante felt it similar to his.

"Well, Patty's been mind-fucking you with diverts all this time. All I wanted to say was that. Also, I love you. Bye Dante." And with Dante shut the phone.

He took out Ebony in one hand and Ivory in the other.

Silently and noiselessly, he kept the BB on the floor.

After saying his prayers and counting till ten, he send a silent thanks to whoever was watching after him.

And then BANG, BANG went the two guns, littering series of holes after holes into the floor and of course, the BB.

"R.I.P. The Pink Blueberry. Forever remembered for being mutilated by the Devil Hunter and last called on by Vergil."

And Dante summoned his sword for finishing effects.

Rest was history, when Patty had come to visit Dante.

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><p>And this is the <strong>end.<strong>

**Dante, my pal, I feel very sorry for you. Actually, we feel sorry for you.  
><strong>I don't.

Anywho, finally, the end to a boring and really bland fic. Hooooray. :D

**Enjoy, lol.**


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